Filed under: Aboriginal issues, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, health
THE SACRED MEDICINES
The four sacred plants are gifts of the Four Manitou (Spirits of the Four Directions). To those who live in a traditional way, there are four plants which are especially revered and used in daily living. The Creator taught us to use the natural herbs of sage, sweetgrass, tobacco, and cedar smoke as a physical reminder to them of this omnipotent presence.
Tobacco (Semah)
Semah, or tobacco, is one of the four sacred plants. It represents the Eastern Direction and the mind. The Anishinaabe use a form of tobacco known as kinikinik, or a red willow mix. Because it opens the door to the Creator, when tobacco is used to make smoke, it is one of the most sacred of plants for Native people. Some elders say that tobacco is used to connect the worlds since the plant’s roots go deep into the earth, and its smoke rises high into the sky. This plant is highly respected and highly honoured. Giving tobacco is a beautiful way of our people. Ceremonies using tobacco invoke a relationship with the energies of the universe, and ultimately the Creator, and the bond made between earthly and spiritual realms is not to be broken. There are four traditional Tobacco uses. None of them will harm you.
Prayer
When we put sacred tobacco into our Sacred Pipes, we are also using that tobacco as a communicator to the sky world where all of our ancestors have gone on before us. We do not inhale the sacred smoke that comes from the pipe. When the smoke rises, it is taking our prayers with it up to the Creator and all of our relatives who have gone on before us. Our elders show us that when we finish with prayers, we sprinkle a small amount of tobacco on the drum. This is a way of giving back to and thanking the Creator for all he has given to us. Tobacco can be used on a daily basis as each new day is greeted with prayers of thankfulness. Many elders say to hold it in your prayers of thankfulness. They also add that you are to hold it in your left hand as this is the hand closer to your heart.
Offerings
Traditional people burn tobacco before storms. It is used to pray that powerful storms will not hurt our families. To pray with tobacco in your Native language is very powerful. It can make a difference in the physical world.
Purification
Tobacco is used in the offering of prayer to the Creator, acting as a medium for communication. It is either offered to the fire, so the smoke can lift the prayers to the Creator, or it is set on the ground in a nice, clean place. It means we come humbly to our Creator. We proclaim our innocence. When you want to speak to the Creator, we are told to make an offering of the tobacco plant. An Elder will take tobacco ties and offer them to the fire or offer it back to Mother Earth on behalf of the Sacred Circle. Anishinaabe people live life in a very sacred manner. When taking something from the Earth, they always explain to the spirit of the plant why it is being done and offer some tobacco in return for the generosity and help of the plant which shared itself so freely. Purification and working with a clear mind and heart are essential in asking the land to provide for people. This is keeping with the Native belief that if you do things in a good way, good things will follow. If careful attention is not established, the result will not be as good. Sometimes elders place tobacco on the water. This shows our thanks to the Creator, for the lifeblood of our Mother the earth that is provided to us. At this time we also acknowledge the moon who in her 28-day cycle cleanses the water by filtering it through the sands.
Respect
Sacred tobacco is used for prayers of gratitude to thank the Creator of Mother Earth for our many blessings, such as good health, great fishing, and good crops. When any plant is picked or any animal is taken, Tobacco and Prayer must be given to show respect. By honouring all our relations we demonstrate that we have not forgotten our place within the web of life. To offer someone tobacco is to ask that you and the person receiving the tobacco be of one heart, one mind and one spirit. Tobacco is offered when you ask someone to do a ceremony for you, such as a name-giving, drumming or singing for someone, to do a smudging ceremony, a sweat-lodge or sacred pipe ceremony; any ceremony. This signifies that you and the one doing the ceremony are of one heart, one mind and one spirit, that you have the same purpose.
Another way that is used to bring people together in unity is that it is used to heal rifts between people. If you have a disagreement that causes ill feelings or someone has treated you badly, or if you have treated someone badly, you can bring tobacco and ask to speak to the person. Then of course, you would do your best to heal the rift, not to make things worse, so tobacco assists us in making amends, getting over resentments, healing emotional wounds and in forgiving people. Even a little tobacco can be given if you do not have money for a pouch. It is the sacredness that counts, not the amount. The person can decide to accept your tobacco or reject. Some of our Elders still offer tobacco to everyone who visits them.
Tobacco is given to elders when one is seeking advice. It is always good to offer tobacco when seeking knowledge or advice from an Elder or when a Pipe is present. It shows gratitude and respect for the elder whose advice you are seeking. Tobacco is given when you appreciate a teaching from an elder or even a younger person if you value what that person has told you. It is a way of showing respect and gratitude.
Proper Uses
Sacred herbs are powerful, but when misused or disrespected, their power consumes us. Tobacco can be a healer or a destroyer. It depends on how and how often it is used. When used in a sacred way, it can promote good health and assist with spiritual guidance and growth. When tobacco is used in a protocol way it becomes sacred. In the old days, tobacco was the most holy of plants and the most sacred of ceremonial objects. The Creator’s spirit is in tobacco. When used in this sacred manner with the sacred pipe, the spirit as smoke enters the man, refreshes him, and then travels to the sky laden with thanksgiving. For hundreds of years, the people were taught this holy and powerful way to communicate with their creator. If used correctly, tobacco can improve your spiritual, mental and physical well being.
Abusive Uses
When it is not used in a sacred way, it can be very harmful. Commercial tobacco is a poison containing over 4000 chemicals. The dominant culture exploits tobacco by commercializing and glamorizing cigarette abuse. When tobacco is used as a drug: smoking daily or chewing, it is not being used in a sacred manner. It’s also a problem when young people use it to be cool and fit in even if they don’t have the right. Commercial tobacco was introduced from the outside. When smoking is considered an everyday affair, it loses its power. The addictive nature of it destroys our communities. 40% of all Native Americans smoke. Around the world, 7 people die every minute because they abuse tobacco. Native Americans abuse tobacco at a higher rate than any ethnic group in America.
Role Models For Our Youth
We need to be good role models to our youth. We cannot be hypocritical in our actions. We must show our youth that tobacco should only be used in ceremony. Think about where will we be as a people if we lose our spirituality? Our young people must realize that they need to stop abusing tobacco and educate themselves about its spiritual aspects. Tobacco teaches Indian people about themselves. The discipline it teaches and the respect it demands helps and individual grow to be a good person. It is important to remember that Native Tobacco is a different species that is indigenous to the Americas. Real tobacco is not the tobacco you find in smoke shops and stores. When we say tobacco in English we are not talking about a sacred plant. There are over 60 species of this plant. It grows wild in most sections of North America. However, it is no way related to tobacco and does not contain nicotine or other poisonous properties.
The Anishinaabe, and the neighbouring Iroquois used it for a number of medicinal purposes, including as a remedy for stomach aches and fever. It tends to remove obstructions from every part of the system and is even felt to the ends of the toes. “Indian Tobacco” not only cleanses the stomach but exercises a beneficial influence over every part of the body. Our own native languages have a word for tobacco that is to be used in offerings. We need to address the energy within that plant by its native name so that we can understand the plant as it understands us. It is important to know the name of the plant in your native language.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, health, life, relationships, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help | Tags: Aboriginal health workshops, Aboriginal self-esteem, facilitation, facilitation skills, First Nations self-esteem, group work, native workshops, wellness workshops
STYLE, ROLES AND SKILLS IN FACILITATING
To move through a workshop together, a group needs to be coordinated and guided. The group, itself, can share leadership by taking turns leading discussion and different exercises. One person can be the group guide, or a team of guides can plan and facilitate this together.
Each of us has his or her own style of working, as distinctive to us as the way we walk or laugh. Trust it. Our naturalness and genuineness in the work is our gift to workshop participants. If you are a singer, your workshop will probably draw heavily on the power of sound and music. Or if you are a dancer, your participants will be encouraged to use their bodies to explore and express their ideas and emotions. Some guides, like myself, work within a fairly structured framework moving from one exercise to another. Others prefer a less directive approach, giving participants more leeway in setting their own agenda and following their needs as they arise.
We must remember that as facilitator we are not offering ourselves as experts or healers. We provide experiences and structures in which people can do their work. We are there to guide this work, not give answers or solve problems or cure.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, health, life, relationships, self-help | Tags: Aboriginal health workshops, facilitation, facilitation skills, group dynamics, groups, native workshops
Exercise: Sharing Circle (20 minutes for 15 people)
Begin by having the group sit in a circle. Sitting in a circle achieves many healthy goals before anything is even discussed. It personifies a deep democracy in the sense that everyone in the workshop is facing each other at the same level. No one is more important than anyone else. Everyone can see everyone else. When people are seen and feel as equals in any group, they have the ability to fully participate. This is very important to establish trust in the group.
The circle also grounds us in our traditional ways because this is how our ancestors communicated.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, health, relationships, religion, self-help, spirituality | Tags: holistic health, interconnectedness
THE WEB OF LIFE
The one thing that allows us to enjoy true relationship and deep peace is the feeling of interconnectedness with life and all other beings. It is the living web out of which our individual, separate existences have risen, and in which we are interwoven. Our lives extend beyond our skins, in radical interdependence with the rest of the world.
Western Science Catches Up with Indigenous Wisdom
Until recently, classical Western science had proceeded on the assumption that the world could be understood and controlled by dissecting it. Breaking the world down into ever smaller pieces, classical Western science divided mind from matter, organs from bodies, plants from ecosystems, and analyzed each separate part. This mechanistic approach left some questions unanswered – such as how do these separate parts interact to sustain life and evolve?
As a result of such questions scientists in the twentieth century, starting with biologists, shifted their perspective. They began to look at wholes instead of parts, at processes instead of substances. They discovered what Indigenous Peoples have known for millennia – that these wholes (be they cells, bodies, ecosystems, and even the planet itself) are not just heaps of parts, but dynamic, intricately organized and balanced systems, interrelated and interdependent in every movement, every function, every exchange of energy. They saw that each element is part of a vaster pattern, a pattern that connects and evolves by discernible principles. The discernment of these principles is what is known as general systems theory.
Instead of beholding random separate entities, the scientists are beginning to see the universe with “Indigenous eyes”. They are becoming aware of interconnecting flows – flows of energy, matter, information – and see life forms as patterns or currents in these flows. By these flowing currents, open systems sustain themselves and evolve in complexity and responsiveness to their environment. Interacting, they weave relationships that shape in turn the environment itself. Every system – be it a tree, a cell, a human being – is like a transformer, changing the very stuff that flows through it. What flows through physical bodies is called matter and energy, what flows through minds is called information; but the distinctions between matter, energy and information have become blurred.
What has become clear, however, are the principles by which systems evolve – and central to these principles is openness to the environment, openness to feedback. This is how intelligence and power are created. For it is by interaction that life forms are sustained. As earlier stated, the old mechanistic view of reality has erected dichotomies, separating substance from process, self from other, thought from feeling. But given the interweaving interactions of open systems, these dichotomies no longer hold.
What had appeared to be separate self-existent entities are now seen to be so interdependent that their boundaries can only be drawn arbitrarily. What had appeared to be “other” can be equally construed as an extension of the same organism, like a fellow-cell in a larger body. What we had been taught to dismiss as “just” feelings are responses to input from our environment that are no less valid than rational constructs. Feelings and concepts condition each other, both are ways of knowing our world. In this way we participate and co-create in the living web, giving and receiving the feedback necessary for its nourishment.
To convey this dynamic process, systems theorists use a variety of images: an open system is like a pattern made by flowing water, or it is like a flame that keeps its shape by transforming the stuff that flows through it. The image or symbol many First Nations use to express this interconnectedness is the Medicine Wheel.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Uncategorized | Tags: DIAND, First Nations policy in Canada, INAC, Indian Affairs
There are basically two types of people who work for the department of Indian Affairs in Ottawa: xenophobic scum and naive puppets who eventually become xenophobic scum.
Indian Affairs employees would have made great Nazis—so exacting, so hateful, so policy-driven.
They are people with graduate degrees who lack any imagination or purpose, except to work diligently towards the most lucrative pension they can get.
These are the people who form and administer Native policy in Canada. On the street, they would be the ones who load the dice and pretend to shuffle the deck to continuously dupe unsuspecting generations.
They are the colonizers.
For all the political activity in the Native community, very little is known about the department of Indian Affairs, yet they are the ones who continue to hold the purse strings of power.
Indian Affairs does not give any real power to those who work in the regional offices because, according to their internal logic, the face-to-face contact the regional employees have with actual First Nations people would compromise their loyalty to the Crown.
Indian Affairs sends its best negotiators to deal with the Blackfoot and Blood Nations in southern Alberta because they are the most educated First Nations and they send their most junior associates to deal with the Nishnawbe-Aski Nation and other First Nations they deem to have “capacity issues” (their internal code for lack of formal education at the leadership level).
Before First Nations go and sign treaties, they should first know that the Indian Affairs treaty negotiation budget dwarfs the treaty implementation budget (i.e. they spend far more to negotiate with First Nations than they do to honor the treaties they sign).
The government of Canada has never fully honored any treaty it has signed with any First Nation.
For all the shortsightedness and myopia in Ottawa, the department of Indian Affairs is ironically the only department that thinks seven generations into the future. This blue-printed future is one in which there is no longer a department of Indian Affairs because they plan on wiping us out –on paper.
What good can we as First Nations people take from the existence of Indian Affairs?
As people from many diverse and sometimes rival First Nations, Indian Affairs provides a common enemy for us to fight against. After all, colonization is a big stick that beats us all indiscriminately regardless of whether we’re Tsimshian, Cree or Mohawk.
Besides that, I can’t think of much else Indian Affairs is good for.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, culture, leisure, life | Tags: long hair
My three-year experiment with long hair ended yesterday when I cut it off.
Going to the mall in Surrey to see my reliable hairstylist was a very liberating experience.
I went from having braidable hair to essentially a brush cut without any regrets.
Going to the local swimming pool will be a lot easier without dealing with the tangles, the conditioner, and blow-dryers that never dry fast enough.
Talking to elders about the significance of long hair left me without any real reason to keep it long. Basically, no one was able to give me a good enough reason for keeping my hair long. Long hair does not make a man more spiritual.
The ones most disappointed by this news will be those who subscribe to outdated romantic ideals of the Native man.
I’ve determined that hair styles for Native men follow convention and style, just as they do for every other culture in the world. What’s convenient in one century becomes inconvenient in another.
Although it’s still considered traditional in many First Nations cultures for men to keep their hair long, that tradition is not really based on much of anything other than following a style that was trendy a couple hundred years ago (for cross-cultural examples please see muttonchops and powdered wigs).
It’s become mostly symbolic of having pride in your heritage as a Native man. However, when you break down most symbols and analyze them within the context of history and other factors, they start to lose their mystique.
There are plenty of other ways to show pride in your First Nations culture than to just focus on the hair. There are both deep and superficial ways to express one’s culture, and I’ve always been more comfortable in the deep end of the pool.
Even though James Brown, the godfather of soul, almost always straightened his hair, black people still look to him as a man of black pride. He didn’t have to have an afro to garner this respect.
For me, it was a nice experiment, but ultimately I needed a more athletic hair-cut to avoid getting soft in the belly.
Don’t worry: the short hair cut has done little to keep me from communing with the mystical and the spiritual aspects of existence.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, diabetes, emotional health, family, health, leisure, life, love, protest, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help, women | Tags: First Nations, Aboriginal, Indigenous, health, self-help, self-improvement, family, protest, self-esteem, culture, Canada, Aboriginal dating, First Nations dating, relationships, Indigenous health, Aboriginal health, Indigenous wisdom, First Nations health, Native American issues, Aboriginal issues, love, Native self-esteem, Aboriginal self-esteem, First Nations self-esteem, Native American self-esteem, residential school syndrome, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous Issues, self-love, holistic health, Native American culture, Native American wisdom, Aboriginal health workshops, wellness workshops, post-colonial theory, First Nations issues, Turtle Island, healthy diet, bannock, bannock power, bannock recipes, tasty and delicious, post-colonial diet, addiction, food addiction
Bannock: we love it because it tastes good.
Baked or fried, with raisins or without, it’s the one food that bonds us together here on Turtle Island.
We love it because it anchors us to our childhood. I can think back to many meals of fried moose-meat (sauteed with onions and mushrooms), mashed potatoes, baked beans, hot tea and bannock. Especially on cold days, those were always the best meals. Meals like that symbolize my Mom’s love.
When we eat bannock, we can’t help but feel a connection with our Indigenous heritage. Bannock is what got many of our grandparents and great-grandparents through cold winters and trying times. Bannock served them well.
For those of you not in the know, bannock is a popular bread made by Native Peoples throughout Canada and the United States. It consists of flour, lard, baking powder and water. There are some variations on the ingredients, but that’s generally what goes into it.
You’ll find bannock being served at most pow-wows. It’s also known as fry-bread or Indian bread. Native women are very competitive when it comes to making the best bannock. Reputation quickly spreads. Just as everyone knows a community’s toughest guy, they also know the woman who makes the best bannock.
Now the bad news about bannock: it’s probably the worst food in terms of nutrition.
For a People who struggle with heart disease and diabetes, bannock unleashes a slow and lethal combination of clogging our arteries and shooting up our blood sugar levels.
Some people think they’re being healthy by making it with whole wheat flour, but it doesn’t really make it healthy. It’s like cooking up crystal meth without the drano and adding vitamin C instead.
This is an example of the many lies we tell ourselves and others about what we eat and our levels of exercise being more than healthy even when it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Talk with any obese person and most of them will try to convince you that they’re eating a healthy diet, even as they’re holding deep-fried food up to their mouths.
As Native People, we really don’t need any additional help in getting diabetes. And we can’t continue the perpetual lies about our diet at the expense of our health.
Let’s get real!
Looking at our history, bannock is not even Native in origin. It originated in Scotland over a thousand years ago. It only became popular when our ancestors grew to depend on government rations for survival.
In many ways, bannock symbolizes our colonization. We enjoy eating bannock in the same way we enjoy watching TV: we know it’s bad for us but we do it anyways.
Eating bannock encouraged us to break from generations of hunting and gathering to eek out alien, sedentary and largely dependent lives.
Government dependence didn’t happen overnight.
It’s okay to acknowledge bannock’s place in our history, but now is the time to embrace a new diet and a stronger concept of who we are–independent of the Crown.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, health, language, life, love, politics, protest, relationships, religion, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help, spirituality | Tags: First Nations, Aboriginal, Indigenous, health, self-help, self-improvement, family, protest, Indigenous rights, self-esteem, culture, spirituality, Canada, Native American dating, relationships, Indigenous health, Aboriginal health, Indigenous wisdom, native suicide rates, Aboriginal suicide rates, First Nations suicide rates, First Nations health, Native American issues, Aboriginal issues, life coaching, love, Native self-esteem, Aboriginal self-esteem, First Nations self-esteem, Native American self-esteem, residential school syndrome, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous Issues, self-love, holistic health, Native American culture, Native American wisdom, Aboriginal health workshops, wellness workshops, post-colonial theory, First Nations issues, Turtle Island, suicide prevention
This is a post about preventing Aboriginal youth suicide.
Suicide is never an easy subject to discuss.
My sister’s own suicide still haunts me ten years later.
It would affect me even more today if it was not for the Sun Dance.
Two years ago, I gave my body and flew with the eagles for her spirit’s return to the circle.
Even now, I can’t help but ask the question everybody asks: why?
Suicide is about stopping the pain. It’s not about wanting to die.
When I think about her tragic life, there must have been lots of pain. She found herself living the worst life any woman can experience. She turned to prostitution to feed her addictions. For her, suicide was about stopping the pain.
The answer to preventing Aboriginal youth suicide can be found by looking to our Elders, says Aboriginal suicide prevention expert Darien Thira. Darien developed the “Through the Pain” Aboriginal suicide prevention curriculum, which he facilitates to First Nations communities. I find his ideas to be both profound and accessible.
Even though Aboriginal youth suicide rates are very high, the suicide rate for our Elders is extremely low.
There are four reasons to explain the low Elder suicide rate:
Emotionally, our Elders are cared for. There is a connection that the general population of seniors don’t experience. Connection is the sense that you are valued by those who are important to you
Physically, our Elders are respected. This leads to empowerment. Empowerment is the belief that you are in control of your life and that you are valuable for who you are and what you can do.
High levels of connection and empowerment lead to high self-esteem. People have high self-esteem when they feel lovable and capable.
Mentally, our Elders are given meaningful family and community roles. This, in turn, creates positive identity.
Spiritually, our Elders have maintained our sacred traditions. Spirituality and culture have the power to create vision and transformation.
With positive identity and vision, our Elders have a well-lived life.
Our youth need these four elements.
They need to feel loved. Attention and encouragement go a long way in building youth self-esteem.
They need to feel empowered. “They need more responsibility, not more entertainment,” says Darien Thira. Boredom stems from a lack of responsibility, but we think the answer lies in giving them more video games, I-pods, cell phones, TV’s, and cameras.
Our youth need a meaningful role in the community. So often, lip service is paid to the needs of our youth without fully involving them in important decisions. Before colonization, this was different and we need to get back to those traditional ways of involving the whole community.
And finally, our youth need our spirituality and culture for a greater vision and deep transformation. You can signs of this yearning in our youth, but many of them can only express this need in a superficial way. If they had a deep connection to their own clan, there would be no need to belong to an artificial clan based on brand-named clothing, rap music and sports emblems.
Many of us adults would be wise to heed this advice as well.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, hatred, health, leisure, life, love, relationships, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help, women | Tags: First Nations, Aboriginal, Indigenous, health, self-help, self-improvement, family, self-esteem, culture, spirituality, Aboriginal dating, Native American dating, First Nations dating, relationships, Indigenous health, Aboriginal health, Indigenous wisdom, First Nations health, Native American issues, Aboriginal issues, life coaching, love, finding love, Native self-esteem, Aboriginal self-esteem, First Nations self-esteem, Native American self-esteem, residential school syndrome, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous Issues, self-love, holistic health, Native American culture, Native American wisdom, Aboriginal health workshops, wellness workshops, First Nations issues, Turtle Island
Our anger belongs to us, and it’s up to us to do something about it.
Making forgiveness work to strengthen a relationship is a three-step process. When someone is asking you for forgiveness, you may want to open your heart to allow a connection of love or light between you, but you fear that if you trust them you’ll be hurt.
The following three-step process will increase the likelihood that another’s request for forgiveness and your hard work at forgiving will have positive results for both of you.
Step 1: Listen
Listen to the person asking for forgiveness. True desire to repent and ask forgiveness involves an understanding that we have done something that resulted in another person’s pain or injury.
A person who is truly sorry or experiences regret is aware that their behaviour, whether intentional or not, resulted in another person’s suffering. Being able to see through another’s eyes and truly hear what they’re trying to say is the essence of good listening.
Step 2: Determine their Goals
People who seek forgiveness should be clear about their goals. When they are truly remorseful over what they’ve done, they communicate a sense of certainty that they don’t intend to choose the same behaviour in the future.
Step 3: Appraise their Commitment
Asking for forgiveness requires a commitment. The person who seeks forgiveness is essentially expressing a commitment to react to the same or a similar opportunity for negative action with a different choice.
Most people are given numerous chances to face situations that represent the core choice of a behaviour they want to change. Ask the person who is requesting forgiveness to tell you how they will manage their behaviour when faced with similar choices and situations in the future.
In order to make the changes that follow their request for forgiveness, they will need to have a plan for future behavioural choices in place.
Remember that the actual of forgiving is not a gift you give the other person, but a gift you give to yourself.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, emotional health, family, health, leisure, life, love, relationships, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help, spirituality | Tags: First Nations, Aboriginal, Indigenous, health, self-help, self-improvement, family, Indigenous rights, self-esteem, culture, spirituality, Native American dating, First Nations dating, relationships, Indigenous health, Aboriginal health, Indigenous wisdom, Aboriginal suicide rates, First Nations health, Native American issues, Aboriginal issues, life coaching, love, finding love, finding romance, Native self-esteem, Aboriginal self-esteem, First Nations self-esteem, residential school syndrome, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous Issues, self-love, holistic health, Native American culture, Native American wisdom, Aboriginal health workshops, wellness workshops, First Nations issues, Turtle Island, fear, feeling scared
When people are caught in a fearful thinking habit, they become prisoners to all that they fear.
They block their awareness of their own spirit and LIFE. Because they are engaged in fearing thinking, much of their energy is focused on avoiding the unpleasant aspects of anxiety.
To use a sports analogy, it’s as if they came onto the playing field with strategies focused on avoiding loss rather than on trying to win.
Any sports fan will know that to increase your chances of winning, a player must hit a ball, run a distance, make a catch, or score a goal.
The main point is that the player must be willing to get a few bumps and bruises, navigate obstacles, and come up against blocks along the way.
In order to win, you must play to win, rather than play to avoid losing.
Fearful thinking results in a type of self-imprisonment where you are stuck in a cycle of avoidance. Your thoughts encourage you to live like a child hiding from a bully– you can hide for a time, but you will never be able to stand out in the open.
Of course in the case of fearful thinking, you are your own worst bully.
Where does this come from?
Learning a behavior is a very complicated process. First, you may have a predisposition or tendency to have stronger or quicker internal reactions than others.
In other words, the unpleasantness or discomfort you feel when afraid may engender more physical reactivity than what someone else experiences.
Another reason may be that your parents, caregivers, siblings, peers, or other influential people in your life have communicated, either intentionally or not, that certain types of emotional or physical distress are intolerable or represents something terrible.
In such a case, you’ve learned that the experience of fear itself is something to be avoided.
Finally, our brains appear to be hard-wired to have us learn to be afraid, as avoidance of true life-threatening events is very adaptive.
As human beings, we have a very well-tuned brain network to help us avoid true danger.
The problem is that, through many different types of conditioning or learning, we come to respond to many different situations, thoughts, and experiences as dangerous.
For example, the dangers of failure, humiliation, embarrassment, or even negative feelings are circumstances that we learn to avoid. It doesn’t matter whether or not anyone intentionally taught you to think fearfully, but due to the circumstances of your development, you learned how.
Identifying Fearful Thoughts
In order to change your fearful thoughts, you will have to be able to use your awareness skills to catch yourself stating fear-based statements silently to yourself. Another way to state this is for you to “be mindful” of your fearful thoughts.
Common fear-based thoughts contain an anticipation of harm. Examples include when you hear yourself making internal statements that you may fail at something important or that other people may get angry with you. Thoughts like these indicate that your mind would prefer to avoid a situation you can’t control.
If you follow through with avoidance, you’ll escape from possible negative results–but you’ll also miss out on many positive experiences. Wayne Gretzky wouldn’t even make the NHL, let alone become the best hockey player in the world, if he was afraid to lose his front teeth.
Another common fearful thought involves assuming what others think (or ‘mind-reading’) when you have no proof. Examples of these fearful thoughts include: “He thinks I’m stupid”, “They’re probably laughing at me”, “I’m boring to her”, or “He doesn’t care about me”.
In these cases, your mind may be trying to exert a false sense of control over the situation. In other words, if you can be sure about the other person’s negative reaction, you won’t have to cope with an unknown.
Your mind has already reasoned that if you expect love and approval from others, but are disappointed, that would be devastating. Following this faulty logic, it’s better to just accept the worst now.
This is no way to live.
