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This is a post about preventing Aboriginal youth suicide.
Suicide is never an easy subject to discuss.
My sister’s own suicide still haunts me ten years later.
It would affect me even more today if it was not for the Sun Dance.
Two years ago, I gave my body and flew with the eagles for her spirit’s return to the circle.
Even now, I can’t help but ask the question everybody asks: why?
Suicide is about stopping the pain. It’s not about wanting to die.
When I think about her tragic life, there must have been lots of pain. She found herself living the worst life any woman can experience. She turned to prostitution to feed her addictions. For her, suicide was about stopping the pain.
The answer to preventing Aboriginal youth suicide can be found by looking to our Elders, says Aboriginal suicide prevention expert Darien Thira. Darien developed the “Through the Pain” Aboriginal suicide prevention curriculum, which he facilitates to First Nations communities. I find his ideas to be both profound and accessible.
Even though Aboriginal youth suicide rates are very high, the suicide rate for our Elders is extremely low.
There are four reasons to explain the low Elder suicide rate:
Emotionally, our Elders are cared for. There is a connection that the general population of seniors don’t experience. Connection is the sense that you are valued by those who are important to you
Physically, our Elders are respected. This leads to empowerment. Empowerment is the belief that you are in control of your life and that you are valuable for who you are and what you can do.
High levels of connection and empowerment lead to high self-esteem. People have high self-esteem when they feel lovable and capable.
Mentally, our Elders are given meaningful family and community roles. This, in turn, creates positive identity.
Spiritually, our Elders have maintained our sacred traditions. Spirituality and culture have the power to create vision and transformation.
With positive identity and vision, our Elders have a well-lived life.
Our youth need these four elements.
They need to feel loved. Attention and encouragement go a long way in building youth self-esteem.
They need to feel empowered. “They need more responsibility, not more entertainment,” says Darien Thira. Boredom stems from a lack of responsibility, but we think the answer lies in giving them more video games, I-pods, cell phones, TV’s, and cameras.
Our youth need a meaningful role in the community. So often, lip service is paid to the needs of our youth without fully involving them in important decisions. Before colonization, this was different and we need to get back to those traditional ways of involving the whole community.
And finally, our youth need our spirituality and culture for a greater vision and deep transformation. You can signs of this yearning in our youth, but many of them can only express this need in a superficial way. If they had a deep connection to their own clan, there would be no need to belong to an artificial clan based on brand-named clothing, rap music and sports emblems.
Many of us adults would be wise to heed this advice as well.
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Our anger belongs to us, and it’s up to us to do something about it.
Making forgiveness work to strengthen a relationship is a three-step process. When someone is asking you for forgiveness, you may want to open your heart to allow a connection of love or light between you, but you fear that if you trust them you’ll be hurt.
The following three-step process will increase the likelihood that another’s request for forgiveness and your hard work at forgiving will have positive results for both of you.
Step 1: Listen
Listen to the person asking for forgiveness. True desire to repent and ask forgiveness involves an understanding that we have done something that resulted in another person’s pain or injury.
A person who is truly sorry or experiences regret is aware that their behaviour, whether intentional or not, resulted in another person’s suffering. Being able to see through another’s eyes and truly hear what they’re trying to say is the essence of good listening.
Step 2: Determine their Goals
People who seek forgiveness should be clear about their goals. When they are truly remorseful over what they’ve done, they communicate a sense of certainty that they don’t intend to choose the same behaviour in the future.
Step 3: Appraise their Commitment
Asking for forgiveness requires a commitment. The person who seeks forgiveness is essentially expressing a commitment to react to the same or a similar opportunity for negative action with a different choice.
Most people are given numerous chances to face situations that represent the core choice of a behaviour they want to change. Ask the person who is requesting forgiveness to tell you how they will manage their behaviour when faced with similar choices and situations in the future.
In order to make the changes that follow their request for forgiveness, they will need to have a plan for future behavioural choices in place.
Remember that the actual of forgiving is not a gift you give the other person, but a gift you give to yourself.
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When people are caught in a fearful thinking habit, they become prisoners to all that they fear.
They block their awareness of their own spirit and LIFE. Because they are engaged in fearing thinking, much of their energy is focused on avoiding the unpleasant aspects of anxiety.
To use a sports analogy, it’s as if they came onto the playing field with strategies focused on avoiding loss rather than on trying to win.
Any sports fan will know that to increase your chances of winning, a player must hit a ball, run a distance, make a catch, or score a goal.
The main point is that the player must be willing to get a few bumps and bruises, navigate obstacles, and come up against blocks along the way.
In order to win, you must play to win, rather than play to avoid losing.
Fearful thinking results in a type of self-imprisonment where you are stuck in a cycle of avoidance. Your thoughts encourage you to live like a child hiding from a bully– you can hide for a time, but you will never be able to stand out in the open.
Of course in the case of fearful thinking, you are your own worst bully.
Where does this come from?
Learning a behavior is a very complicated process. First, you may have a predisposition or tendency to have stronger or quicker internal reactions than others.
In other words, the unpleasantness or discomfort you feel when afraid may engender more physical reactivity than what someone else experiences.
Another reason may be that your parents, caregivers, siblings, peers, or other influential people in your life have communicated, either intentionally or not, that certain types of emotional or physical distress are intolerable or represents something terrible.
In such a case, you’ve learned that the experience of fear itself is something to be avoided.
Finally, our brains appear to be hard-wired to have us learn to be afraid, as avoidance of true life-threatening events is very adaptive.
As human beings, we have a very well-tuned brain network to help us avoid true danger.
The problem is that, through many different types of conditioning or learning, we come to respond to many different situations, thoughts, and experiences as dangerous.
For example, the dangers of failure, humiliation, embarrassment, or even negative feelings are circumstances that we learn to avoid. It doesn’t matter whether or not anyone intentionally taught you to think fearfully, but due to the circumstances of your development, you learned how.
Identifying Fearful Thoughts
In order to change your fearful thoughts, you will have to be able to use your awareness skills to catch yourself stating fear-based statements silently to yourself. Another way to state this is for you to “be mindful” of your fearful thoughts.
Common fear-based thoughts contain an anticipation of harm. Examples include when you hear yourself making internal statements that you may fail at something important or that other people may get angry with you. Thoughts like these indicate that your mind would prefer to avoid a situation you can’t control.
If you follow through with avoidance, you’ll escape from possible negative results–but you’ll also miss out on many positive experiences. Wayne Gretzky wouldn’t even make the NHL, let alone become the best hockey player in the world, if he was afraid to lose his front teeth.
Another common fearful thought involves assuming what others think (or ‘mind-reading’) when you have no proof. Examples of these fearful thoughts include: “He thinks I’m stupid”, “They’re probably laughing at me”, “I’m boring to her”, or “He doesn’t care about me”.
In these cases, your mind may be trying to exert a false sense of control over the situation. In other words, if you can be sure about the other person’s negative reaction, you won’t have to cope with an unknown.
Your mind has already reasoned that if you expect love and approval from others, but are disappointed, that would be devastating. Following this faulty logic, it’s better to just accept the worst now.
This is no way to live.
Filed under: First Nations, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, emotional health, life, self-help, spirituality | Tags: Vancouver real estate sales, North Vancouver real estate sales, West Vancouver real estate sales, Seattle real estate sales, smudging, sluggish real estate market, answers for boost to real estate sales, spiritual clearing, spiritual cleansing, Native smudging, West Vancouver real estate market, North Vancouver real estate market, smudging ceremony, selling my home, tips for selling my home, Native spirituality, northwest real estate
Exorcising home’s spirits may help sale
Oakland Tribune, Sep 6, 2006 by Barbara E. Hernandez, MEDIANEWS
She got in touch with Monique Chapman, a self-described intuitive consultant, for a spiritual “cleansing” of the troubled property.
“She’s so right, it gives you the shivers sometimes,” Kennerknecht, an agent with Remax Executive in Fremont, said of Chapman’s psychic abilities.
After initial misgivings, the client agreed to let Chapman heal the house. It soon sold, and there have been no complaints since, Kennerknecht said.
A step beyond staging and feng shui consultations, spiritual cleansing, its proponents say, can help both sellers and buyers overcome fears about even the eeriest homes; and some real estate agents are embracing the new phenomenon.
Audrey McInerney, an agent with Coldwell Banker in Walnut Creek, said that staging took hold in the 1990s, when homes were sitting longer on the market, but now peoplewant more.
“People are into color and also into the underlying emotional appeal of thehouse,” she said. “This is a niche that will grow.”
Chapman, 52, is a petite woman who wears a half-dozen bracelets on each wrist with turquoise, lapis lazuli, tiger’s-eye, citrine, tourmaline, moonstone and mother of pearl, all of which give her protection and enhance her intuitive ability, she said.
The Fremont resident said she uses a pendulum and candle to help cleanse homes of negative energy by going from room to room in a counter-clockwise direction. Afterward, she uses a combination of sea salt, sage and her hands to send “healing energy.” She charges a $300 flat fee for her work.
Part of her job, as she sees it, also involves finding homes — in this case for the spirits that inhabit some houses.
“We need to send them to a better place,” she said. “And we give them escorts — angels, seraphim, what you will — to assist them on their journey.”
Not everyone is as comfortable as Chapman in discussing her work. Two of Kennerknecht’s clients declined to speak for this story.
Publicizing spiritual problems with homes, aside from worries about public opinion, can lead to threats from buyers about nondisclosure of the problem, or could stigmatize properties, Kennerknecht said.
“Not everyone wants to talk about it. This is ‘woo-woo’ stuff,” Chapman added.
But it is not so unusual. In 2004, centuries-old Indian remains were found at Hidden Oaks, a development of 21 $2.8 million homes in Lafayette, according to developer Branagh Development Inc.’s Web site. After the discovery, the developer took a series of steps, including relocating remains to a central area and honoring the dead, a state official said.
“There might have been a small offering of tobacco or a bigger ceremony,” said Larry Myers, executive secretary for the California Native American Heritage Commission. “No one wants ‘Poltergeist.’”
Shelley Thomas, 50, owns Intuitive Solutions in Martinez and provides cleansings and readings for clients. She said she can sense restless spirits in peoples’ homes, something she calls “discarnates,” and feels emotional charges when death or violence have taken place.
Monica Galli, 39, a self-employed single mother of four, was referred to Thomas by a friend when she was feeling stalled in her life and career. Worse, the new $550,000 home in Pleasant Hill she bought in July was making her depressed.
“I wanted a better life, a more successful life,” she said Friday as Thomas was reading the energy in her home. “And I had been through two relationships and didn’t want to be attracted to that type of man again.”
Thomas, who charges $100 an hour for an initial consultation, used what she called her “high spirit” to begin clearing Galli’s home of a male “discarnate” who was negatively interacting with Galli. Thomas held a slender, silver chain with a glass-blown blue heart in one hand, which she said acted as a pendulum, and closely watched its movements.
“A discarnate can be attracted to someone. … Maybe it was the matching energy or sadness,” Thomas said.
Not surprisingly, there is no hard data on how many homes are cleansed, but David Pearce, an instructor with Intuitive Way, a center for intuitive training in Walnut Creek, has seen an increase in spiritual cleansings. He and his students have conducted a few as field trips.
Last year they helped out a nightclub in San Francisco, a slow- moving home in Rossmoor and another in Pittsburg. He helped heal a rental property in Marin County that several tenants fled, and this month he and his wife are healing a Davis home as a wedding gift.
But he’s not necessarily out to change minds. “We’re not in the business of trying to convince other people what we do is real,” Pearce said. “We offer our training and services to those people who are drawn to it.”
Others said they were open to ridding a listing of negative energy or trapped souls.
“I would be willing to try it,” said Kathy Thomas, a Realtor who works with Keller Williams in Pleasanton.
Using someone like Chapman or Thomas may be an advantage with certain houses, she said.
“Some people won’t even look at a house if there was death in it,” she said. “If there was some way to cleanse the house or help prepare it for sale, it might help ease people’s minds.”
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Effective teachers provide an opportunity for you to advance and realize your unique potential. Occasionally, they provide a chance for you to accomplish things they knew you could, even when you doubted it.
Important learning experiences with effective teachers almost always involve a struggle, such as learning a difficult subject.
When people describe worthwhile learning experiences and important teachers in their lives, they often say that effective teachers give you encouragement and support as part of the experience.
The teacher is one who allows you to apply what is learned in a practical way. This a very critical part of the learning process.
Would you be surprised to learn that the next time you’re confronted with a difficult situation in which you catch yourself blaming or getting angry at someone who seems to be your enemy, that this could be one of those valuable learning experiences?
Many spiritual traditions embrace the concept that every person with whom you come in contact during your life can serve as a catalyst for your spiritual learning.
Even when someone has committed hurtful and destructive acts resulting in your distress, this concept can still hold true, because your learning is related to your experience and what you take from it.
You may want to argue, “But my valued teachers gave me encouragement and support. The current person who is causing me pain, whom I cannot forgive, isn’t!” The difference here is that you need to give yourself the encouragement and support you need.
The individuals who cause you distress can still serve as teachers because they give you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and apply this new knowledge to your own spiritual advancement.
It’s as if there is a clear and logical reason for why you are presented with this person, in this situation, at this point in time.
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Here is a tool to help you learn how to forgive and to increase your understanding that an inability to forgive is far more harmful to you than the person who has injured, insulted, or harmed you in some way.
The ‘30 percent solution’ is useful when we see ourselves as totally blameless and are having difficulty forgiving the person who has offended us.
The next time you find yourself angry for more than two days, experiencing difficulty forgiving another person, and ready to blame another person concerning the problems you experience in your life, remember that in any argument or incident between people, how you react is contributing at least 30 percent to your current distress.
Even if you’ve been unfairly treated, you have a choice in how you will react. Regardless of what has happened to you, your choices account for about 30 % of the reasons why your current emotional state persists.
Moreover, your choices regarding how you think and act with regard to this situationwill not only impact how you currently feel, but whether or not such situations may occur in the future.
Maybe there are ways to think or react differently to reduce the chance of this happening again, or perhaps you have been reacting to what happened in ways that are holding you back from your spiritual journey.
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Opening our hearts in connection with others is a universal spiritual goal. Despite superficial differences in appearance, age, race, gender, or skill levels, people are equal in their basic worth as human beings.
Despite this diversity, we all share a desire to connect with each other. Focusing our awareness about relationships can facilitate greater connection to others.
The source of all misery in the world lies in thinking of oneself, while the source of all happiness lies in thinking of others.
We exude dignity when we learn to nurture the relationships in our lives. What can be more worthwhile than the chance to make meaningful contribution to someone else’s life?
When we focus on our relationship with others, we’re less concerned about our own self-worth. As we think about how we can be helpful to someone else, our vital essence becomes enhanced. Connectedness helps not only our spiritual advancement and self-esteem, but it makes us happy as well.
People who experience low self-esteem often report feelings of dissatisfaction with personal relationships. The presence of another person who believes in our worth, validates our emotions, and listens to our concerns is a precious gift.
It’s often difficult for people to connect with others, especially during times of stress, when most of us focus instead on preserving our self-esteem or comparing ourselves with others. Envy, jealousy, anger, anxiety, and hopelessness are the by-products of our fears about our own worth and value, and such emotions can be very destructive to our relationships.
When we have doubts about our own worth, we often withdraw from the very people we usually enjoy spending time with. When we do this, we miss out on the benefits of social support. We can get so absorbed with ourselves that we block out the connection to those close to us.
When a person exerts so much mental focus on themselves, they are so busy trying to protect their self-esteem that they ignore or even hurt the people who are trying to connect with them.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, family, health, leisure, life, love, politics, protest, relationships, religion, residential school, residential school syndrome, self-help, spirituality | Tags: First Nations, Aboriginal, Indigenous, health, self-help, self-improvement, religion, protest, Indigenous rights, self-esteem, culture, spirituality, Canada, Native American dating, relationships, Indigenous health, Aboriginal health, Indigenous wisdom, Aboriginal suicide rates, First Nations health, Native American issues, Aboriginal issues, life coaching, Green Revolution, love, Native self-esteem, Aboriginal self-esteem, First Nations self-esteem, Native American self-esteem, residential school syndrome, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous Issues, self-love, holistic health, Native American culture, Native American wisdom, Aboriginal health workshops, wellness workshops, post-colonial theory, First Nations issues, Turtle Island, proselytize, selling religion, selling spirituality, An Inconvenient Truth, David Suzuki, save the planet, deep green
we learn to proselytize.
The meaning of proselytize is to convert someone from one faith to another.
Indigenous people the world over lack this skill.
Personally speaking, I struggle when it comes to marketing and selling my business. At 32, I realize I can’t get by on my looks or even my ideas anymore. Being an entrepreneur is forcing me to grow. Right now, it’s forcing me to gain a new skill, that is to hustle.
We’ve been at the receiving end of proselytism for centuries, but never its agents.
We have so much knowledge and wisdom to give the people of Mother Earth.
Instead, what happens is green revolutionaries take our knowledge and spread it themselves.
The environmental movement and green revolution would not exist without the input of Indigenous wisdom.
However, in swallowing our knowledge, these scientists and politicians miss a fundamental component to this wisdom: prayer. Not only do we have to recycle more, buy less, ride a bike, we also have to pray for Mother Earth. Without a deep sense of spirituality and love for the Earth, the shift in consciousness will be incomplete and ineffective.
Although people many North American environmentalists credit Native Americans, First Nations and Indigenous Peoples for what makes their perspectives holistic and balanced, it’s still them and not Indigenous Peoples taking the stage, glorifying their ego’s and getting rich for what is really ours.
A stolen idea is not so different from stolen land.
What is it that prevents us as Indigenous People from trying to convert the world into our way of thinking?
Many of us are excellent orators, so it’s not that.
When Christopher Columbus and host of others landed on Turtle Island, why did we not convince them to turn away from Christianity instead of the other way around?
Initial contact with the inhabitants of Turtle Island definitely had a huge impact on Europe, but it’s not because it was our ancestors’ intention to make it so.
Like the environmentalists and new age people after them, early Europeans took the seeds of our vegetables and adapted them for a surge in food production. Can you imagine Italian cuisine without the tomatoes and peppers? Or the Irish without potatoes?
The enlightened few are beginning to realize that Indigenous wisdom holds the key to our survival on Planet Earth. Why can’t we see that ourselves?
Just as non-Natives are turning to our ancient wisdom and holistic way of being, Native People are turning away from the lessons of our Elders.
In Canada, only 3% of us practice our ceremonies. As a society of many Nations, the large majority of us are backwards in the sense of clinging to the tired ways of our colonizers. When are we going to realize that there’s nothing new they can teach us? When are we going to realize that there’s real strength to the teachings of our ancestors?
When are we going to have enough courage to stand up and spread our own ‘good word’?
Perhaps our gentle way of being stands in the way of the aggressiveness and persistence required to win converts.
I don’t know the answer.
I’m trying to envision the Native community filled with zealots and aggressive salespeople going door to door like the uniformed Mormon teenagers that blanket the planet.
Although it’s a strange thing to conceptualize, I feel it’s time we, as Indigenous Peoples, get into people’s faces, debate the issues, sell our ideas, close the deals, and begin winning converts.
After all, it’s the fate of Mother Earth at stake.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, Indigenous wisdom, coaching, communication, culture, emotional health, health, leisure, life, politics, protest, self-help, spirituality, sports | Tags: Aboriginal self-esteem, Canada, culture, family, First Nations self-esteem, health, holistic health, Indigenous health, Indigenous wisdom, Native American self-esteem, Native self-esteem, protest, self-help, self-improvement, self-love, spirituality, sports addiction, sports television, the damaging effect of watching sports
Watching hockey or football is antithetical to following a path of purpose and balance.
Watching sports on TV might seem like a harmless activity, but a lot depends on intention.
I use sports as a way of disassociating or going offline and it’s not healthy for me or my marriage.
This is one of the issues I tackled with my therapist this week.
I learned that listening to sports talk radio is one way I have of numbing myself to the world. I lose myself to the endless analysis of hockey and football on The Team 1040 in Vancouver. Hearing about the Canucks and the various Super Bowl predictions is my way of turning my back on the world.
I am fascinated by people who confidently talk about completely inconsequential subjects, like sports. It is astounding that there is no hint of irony to most of these sports pundits. A childish part of me secretly wishes life were that simple.
Like any addiction, I don’t really enjoy sports anymore. In times of weakness, I have come to depend on listening to sports analysis as a way of drowning out the sirens that go off in my spirit at the state of the planet.
Sport prevents me from truly connecting with other human beings.
Sport prevents me from playing a larger role on the current stage.
Sport prevents me from facing crucial issues.
Sport prevents me from being true to my calling in life.
It has long outlived its original purpose of connecting with my Dad. As a teenager, I used to enjoy watching the playoff drama of the Maple Leafs, Blue Jays and Chicago Bulls with my Dad. Like many Canadian fathers and sons, we’d spend hours together each spring in the living room cheering and cursing at the television.
Now that I’m an adult, I don’t watch or listen to sports with anyone else. I don’t even get that excited whenever there’s a show I like; it just has to be on. I use that interface with the TV and radio to block out other signals. This has the effect of freezing me from my passion.
Whether it’s sports, soap operas, the news, intoxicants, shopping, gambling or even food, there are many distractions that take us away from problems we’re scared to tackle.
In the land of 500 channels, it’s hard to find balance and passion.
With 500 channels, it’s extremely difficult to become revolutionary.
That’s why sports and all those other distractions exist–to keep us off the streets and comfortably on the couch.
On an intuitive level, we are all aware of this, but still remain frozen in a fog–unable to fight or run away.
It’s good to be still if you’re a rabbit hiding from a wolf, but it’s downright dangerous for human beings confronting an epic environmental crisis.
On a positive note, today’s weather forecast for Vancouver looks good: the fog that’s blanketed the area is finally supposed to lift.
From my office, I can see the mountains again. It’s a beautiful day.
Filed under: Aboriginal issues, Environment, First Nations, First Nations issues, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous rights, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native Peoples, culture, emotional health, health, life, love, spirituality | Tags: Aboriginal, Aboriginal health, Aboriginal issues, Aboriginal self-esteem, culture, First Nations, First Nations health, First Nations issues, First Nations self-esteem, future, health, holistic health, Indigenous, Indigenous health, Indigenous Issues, Indigenous Peoples, Indigenous wisdom, Native American culture, Native American issues, Native American self-esteem, Native American wisdom, Native self-esteem, revolution, revolution of the self, self-esteem, self-help, self-improvement, self-love, spirituality, Turtle Island, wellness workshops
Can any of us think 1000 years into the future?
From the complete lack of imagination in the arts and politics, it seems like the vast majority of us can’t even contemplate 100 or even 50 years into the future.
I remember getting depressed in grade 3 when I watched a news story on Canada AM that made the claim that the sun would burn out in a million years. As a nine-year-old, I thought ‘what’s the point if it’s all going to end?’
That line of reasoning seems ridiculous now. However, that is the same attitude that permeates much of our global consumerism and many of our dangerous and seemingly innocuous habits.
Most of us are too smart to completely dismiss the doom and gloom stories about what we are doing to Mother Earth. I think there is validity to the dire predictions of global warming pundits. Like most of us, I don’t think Al Gore, David Suzuki and the hundreds, if not thousands, of other respectable environmental thinkers are out to lunch.
It’s stating the obvious to mention the polar ice caps are melting, the sea levels are rising, the oceans are filling with pollution, and very little is being done to avert the oncoming train-wreck.
That being said, the Earth is smarter than we are.
None of us can predict what will happen in the future (no matter how smart we think we are).
The best we can do is raise consciousness, work at improving the small things, and give lots of love back to the Earth. That’s what being a warrior is all about. It’s about fighting and struggling without knowing the eventual outcome, and doing so with honor.
Applying this warrior concept to our daily lives takes away the fear many of us have for a future that none of us can correctly predict.
When we bring spirituality to deepen the green movement, then miracles will happen.
Those willing to go deeper inside will encounter the ultimate frontier to our connection with all of creation.
That frontier is the story of our unique individuality we fiercely hold onto. In short, it’s the myth of the self.
Is it not the self that says “I’m better than you”? Is it not the self that dominates and seeks to control?
Going deeper inside means going beyond the self.
Going deeper inside means completely surrendering to love.